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Lose 40 Pounds in 80 Days

By the time I got home that night, it was four root beers, one cocktail lounge and 2,000 calories later, and I had completely forgotten the Fat Man's Dept. Or anyway, I kept telling myself I had.

I drowned my thoughts in a fine meal of the wife's roast beef, mashed potatoes, gravy, green apple pie topped with a slice of American, and then with three after-dinner brandies settled down to read the paper.

A few Falstaffian burps. A couple of pepsin tablets, and I got nicely sluggish. Gradually I melted down into my chair like a lump of suet. As I began to get drowsy, memory of what had happened that day dulled itself away while my dinner tried to get itself digested.

Even so, I made myself the old familiar easy promise. Tomorrow I'd start to lose weight. I always dieted three or four times a year anyway, didn't I? I could lose weight. Losing weight was easy.

Sure. Tomorrow's the day again.


MANANA, MANANA

One smell of hot cakes and sausage for breakfast, and I realized I had made a miscalculation. This wasn't the day to start losing weight, after all.

Off to work I went, filled with the charms of the kitchen and kindly thoughts of Lou, our colored cook.

Three rousing burps and two pepsin tablets later that morning, and I got the second shock of my fat life.

I ordered a new suit. Said the tailor, "There'll be a 10% additional charge, Mr. Wheeler, for the extra cloth!"

For extra cloth! "Yes," I was told. "Once you get over a size 47, all tailors charge you 10% for the 'extra cloth.'"

I was mad! I was furious! I was-well, anyway, I was as angry as a fatty dare get. It was bad enough to have put on a few extra pounds, without having to pay for the privilege!

I stormed up to a candy counter, bought a nice 10c size Oh Henry (I like the nuts in them), and thought first about the shirt store clerk and then this tailor.

I was good and mad. I ate two Oh Henrys.



Next: My Weigh In

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