Lose 40 Pounds in 80 Days

Nobody knows all the tricks of the underworld like some old three-time loser. In the calorie underworld I was a three-time loser myself - three times a year. So I knew all the angles. Years ago I had learned you should never weigh yourself every day, because if you found you hadn't lost five more pounds every time you stepped on the scales you felt disappointed.

So I waited to weigh myself at the end of three full weeks, when the results would really show. It isn't until you're down 10 or 15, maybe 20 pounds, that you really begin to feel you're accomplishing something.

The three weeks were up. Elmer's hour of triumph was at hand. So was the whole family. They all gathered around for the Important Announcement, the Special Bulletin from the Front.

My wife looked skeptical as usual. I knew she was all ready with her "I told you sol" I was prepared to overlook this.

Linda, the daughter, stood by. The Doberman looked on, almost in disgust. He liked me fat, I guess.

The maid and Pat, the stable boy, had their ears to the door. You'd have thought somebody was giving birth to an heir at Sizzle Ranch.

They all waited for my announcement. Their ears were perked up, all ready for my yell: "Look - down 20 pounds!"

The time had come. I stripped to my Arrows.

Stood on the scales.

Held my breath. Smiled smartly at the little gathering around me.

Eagerly I looked down for the big news.

My wife looked down. My daughter looked down. Even Josef looked at the scales and gave them a suspicious sniff. Outside my bedroom door not a sound was to be heard.

That meant Pat and the maid were holding their breath.

Then I gasped. My family gasped. The scales gasped. What scales wouldn't when they grunted out 234 lbs?


WOT HAPPENED? WOT HAPPENED?

I wiggled the scales. They wiggled back at me, but they still stayed at 234 lbs.

Something must be wrong, I figured.

I was four pounds heavier than when I started my "dieting" three weeks ago!

No sugars - no starches-black coffee - one meal a day, and I'd gained instead of lost weight!

Was this my reward for three weeks of suffering?

I could just see the sneer on that shirt salesman's face; the disgusted nod of that Navy doc!

Of course I took it out on my wife.

"Don't say it - don't say it!" I shouted at her as I saw her rise to her full height.

She fixed me. She merely shook her head and said to the daughter, "Come, Linda - maybe now we can eat again around this house."

But I was mad. Damned mad!



Next: My Doctor's Advice To Lose Weight

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