Lose 40 Pounds in 80 Days

To you, this strategy I divulge
In winning the "Battle of the Bulge."
-Poor Elmer's Almanac

Some 50 diet books later, I was going full steam ahead, losing weight scientifically.

Thanks to Strongheart, I was no longer eating "table scraps."

Patting myself on the back one day suddenly brought forth a formula, which I humbly submit to Strongheart and to any human fatty:

Step One: Eat Wisely: Before eating anything, I must now know, along with Strongheart, how many calories it contains. My pocket-size Fat Boy's Slide Rule comes in mighty handy here. No guessing. Why guess and gamble-know! I edit wisely along with my registered Doberman. I'm a good candidate for the American Kennel Club.

Step Two: Eat Easy: Even though I edit my food, I know, too, that overeating of even low-calorie foods will put on excess weight. So I no longer eat like a Roman gladiator or a mongrel who hasn't heard of scientific dog food. My stomach is shrinking, now that I am eating wisely, and actually I can't eat so much any more.

Step Three: Eat Slowly: Here Strongheart may disagree along with my own Josef. Dogs gulp. They taste with their stomachs, I am told. Humans taste with their mouths, so the longer the food stays in my mouth the more satisfied I am. It's a swell illusion for fat boys. It also helps prevent the burps!



SO SIMPLE IT WORKS MAGIC - BUT ISN'T My little formula works magic - because it isn't involved. It is so simple anybody could have thought of it. It is so simple no fatty ever bothered. He was looking for magic!

There is no "magic" to reducing.

No spring waters you can bathe in; no elixirs you can drink.

Nothing you eat reduces you. Everything has calories, except three things: coffee, tea, and tap water!

It is merely knowing what goes into you that helps you to reduce.

Just grab a blue pencil and edit out the fattening foods. I used to avoid shrimp, oysters, and scallops. Then I suddenly found that each contains only 10 calories. Same as one peanut!

Of course, if you fry them, you double the calories. So don't go sailing into a big fried seafood platter every few days, or you're liable to sink under your own weight. During my fight for freedom from fat, I had nothing fried.

I stayed out of the frying pan. I quoted to my wife from Poor Elmer's Almanac:

From your diet you can coast
When your wifie serves a roast.

How much should I weigh?

That's what all us fatties ask.

I got a chart from my doctor. I got several from insurance companies. They are all about the same.

I found that for my height my weight should be around 176, but that being large-boned I could go up to around 186.

I'm allowed 10% over what the charts say. Most people, I was told, can take this allowance and not be too "out of line." I set my sights for 186.


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