Lose 40 Pounds in 80 Days
> I LEARN NOT TO BE A "DIET BORE"She is growing more cautious of her sarcasm.
When someone asks her, "How's Old Lard Tub doing on his diet?" she doesn't snap back with, "Oh, he'll get over it just like a chain-smoker gets over giving up smoking."
As for me, I'm finding my "dieting methods and secrets of magic" make sure-fire conversation material - within limits.
Dieting seems to be the hope of everybody these days - they all hope, even though they don't follow through. I can start a conversation at the club, on a street car, in a Pullman, or at an airport in one second flat by making some simple remark like, "Sure feels good to lose 40 pounds!"
Ears pick up that sound 10 feet away. In no time I'm surrounded by mobs asking, "How'd you do it?" - "Did you cut down on starch?" - "Did you have to do exercises?" or telling me, "You know, I'm dieting, too. Now, I never eat - "
Yep, it's the greatest conversation piece since a king married a Baltimore gal; since a movie queen went to Stromboli.
BUT WATCH OUT FOR BOOMERANGS!
When an introvert suddenly finds himself the center of interest, he is apt not to know how to handle the situation. He can easily overdo things and turn friends into enemies.
There is nothing worse than a reformed drunk or a fat boy who got skinny.
Your "know-how" can soon brand you as an egotist supreme. For a while people sit back and admire you when you pass on such bits of diet wisdom as:
"I lost an inch and a half off my tummy by merely standing more erect, sucking in the bay window!"
Following this up, I'd add:
"Did you know people grow shorter during the day, because gravity pulls them toward the earth, but gain back their height while they sleep?"
That's true, you know: you shrink up to three-fourths of an inch during the day.
That's why you get more roly-poly, too, I'd explain. You sag. You let the tummy protrude farther. But try pulling it in. Raising the shoulders.
As if by magic, your belt line goes in 1 1/2 inches!
Yep, these were fascinating facts to amaze the gallery.
THEN THEY GET ENVIOUS
For awhile my friends enjoyed my losing weight. Often they would hold up a slab of chocolate pie, their second helping, and say, "Want some? Oh, but I forgot you are dieting!"
They kid you for a time that way. Tell you how bad you're looking. Often remark, "Have you been sick lately?"
That's just envy beginning to take hold. Then envy turns to jealousy, and jealousy brings on bitterness. You have an enemy on your hands.
It was all my own mistake for bragging too much and reciting my diet knowledge, telling 'em:
"Did you know you must take 370 hot baths to lose 4,000 calories, one pound?"
"You must walk 36 miles to lose a pound?"
"Thyroid? Well, now, tell you, friend, it's okay. It's something that makes the motor run faster so's you burn up more calories - but it makes you hungry."
"Born to be fat? Well, now, you may be inclined to be fat due to a family that loves food, but still you must eat to get fat. Fat doesn't go from one generation to another like temper."
"Why, do you know I read only the other day that children of fat people often become fat simply because at an early age they develop a liking for food?"
How I flaunted my diet knowledge!
"You may be born with inclinations of your own toward becoming fat," I'd say, "but it takes food, not inclinations, to put the weight on. Nobody ever thought himself into being fat - because thought uses up calories!"
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